You sold Estinien a dish of mushed vegetable for 1/3 of a small house. Your heart is as rotten and fetid as a dying Namazu beneath Azeyma's foot. [bro.]
And if you even so much as hint that I might fuck a Grebuloff, I will sell you out to Tataru faster then the next impending disaster to hurl itself upon the face of this star. [he might hate fish.]
aye, aye, you run your mouth now, Ze, but your tune'll change once you've sampled some of my reasonably priced mushed vegetable dish!
it's full of love!
lousy with it!
to bursting, even!
you'll be gobsmacked. right in the gob. just, utterly smacked.
Estinien likes my mushed vegetables. :(
[ still bleeding profusely, now additionally making a drunken grocery list in the tomestone notes app, including such fine, sensical ingredients as "big plate" and "mushy vegetable (2)" ]
don't criticize my cooking and i won't imply you fuck space namazu.
well, i suppose i could say my eggplant is flavor-blasted with feeling, instead, but i'm not sure either one of us wants that. [ dialing the "be annoying" knob up to 11. ]
is there anything you actually DO eat?
honestly, Ze, i'm impressed by your knack for insulting two people in one sentence. would that i had your way with words.
[spare him. what did he do to deserve any of this besides be a bastard.] Stop.
I dread to think what comes to your mind should I say anything "normal," for fear you will take it as a challenge. I eat what sustains me, eggplant is just tasteless.
h o n e s t l y. so great a warrior, frightened by a few words? don't worry, Ze. i'll protect you from any bards we might come across. [ that's rich coming from a viera who takes three tries to get through a sentence if it's got too many nouns in it. ]
i don't take EVERYTHING as a challenge. [ lie. ] so you WOULD eat eggplant? because it is sustaining.
oh, i'm touched you didn't tell me i should stop talking altogether.
Spare me the theatrics. [a tall order, really.] It is only companions with whom mouthiness becomes an issue. [something about not beating your friends silent or whatever. weird.]
And yes, I would eat it much in the same manner I would eat anything else to survive.
... Is that an option? [BECAUSE...]
u are perfect no fretting also sorry to hit you back immediately like a goblin
physically, i cannot. [ that's not what physically means. he's a great healer though, honest. ]
full of surl, complaining all the while?
next time i see you, i swear. RIGHT into a headlock. and i'll talk your ear off about the new hybrids i've been cultivating in my garden 'til you manage to escape.
alright then grumps, prepare to learn a whole lot about the finer points of botanical hybridization.
[...]
wait where are you?
[...]
wait wait where are my shoes?
ah, hells with it. just tell me which aetheryte you'd like your ass-kicking at.
[ 95% chance he forgets to swap to war, 45% chance he forgets to even equip whatever job stone he's got handy, 100% chance he thinks he'll win anyway. this bunny is about to get bodied. ]
never speak into existence that which you do not wish to occur. i'm headed home AT THIS MOMENT to grab a pair of bridesmaid's tights from my dresser.
my friend, you are about to get dominated by a man in his wedding whites. wherever you are, i will find you. [ this is literally the worst text message viktor has ever sent or ever will send. congratulations. ]
that's SO MANY tomestones.
[ ... ]
you'll still farm tomestones with me after this, right?
[ he's trying to mope and be terribly dramatic. he desperately wants to leave that on read... aaaaaand he makes it as far as the other end of his teleport. ]
how in the hells do you manage to spin words that make me feel better and worse at the same time?
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⤞clutterbitch
You sold Estinien a dish of mushed vegetable for 1/3 of a small house. Your heart is as rotten and fetid as a dying Namazu beneath Azeyma's foot. [bro.]
And if you even so much as hint that I might fuck a Grebuloff, I will sell you out to Tataru faster then the next impending disaster to hurl itself upon the face of this star. [he might hate fish.]
no subject
it's full of love!
lousy with it!
to bursting, even!
you'll be gobsmacked. right in the gob. just, utterly smacked.
Estinien likes my mushed vegetables. :(
[ still bleeding profusely, now additionally making a drunken grocery list in the tomestone notes app, including such fine, sensical ingredients as "big plate" and "mushy vegetable (2)" ]
don't criticize my cooking and i won't imply you fuck space namazu.
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And Estinien is not someone who I would consult upon matters of taste.
[bro stop that.]
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is there anything you actually DO eat?
honestly, Ze, i'm impressed by your knack for insulting two people in one sentence. would that i had your way with words.
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I dread to think what comes to your mind should I say anything "normal," for fear you will take it as a challenge. I eat what sustains me, eggplant is just tasteless.
You have your own way. Keep to it.
no subject
i don't take EVERYTHING as a challenge. [ lie. ] so you WOULD eat eggplant? because it is sustaining.
oh, i'm touched you didn't tell me i should stop talking altogether.
forgive me i am turtle
And yes, I would eat it much in the same manner I would eat anything else to survive.
... Is that an option? [BECAUSE...]
u are perfect no fretting also sorry to hit you back immediately like a goblin
full of surl, complaining all the while?
next time i see you, i swear. RIGHT into a headlock. and i'll talk your ear off about the new hybrids i've been cultivating in my garden 'til you manage to escape.
you too are perfect i'm just dying irl ;3;
[...]
Try it. [the headlock. it's gonna be so funny. let's compare str stats.]
ahhh i'm so sorry rl should calm down >:( i will tag you back 5ever though!!
[...]
wait where are you?
[...]
wait wait where are my shoes?
ah, hells with it. just tell me which aetheryte you'd like your ass-kicking at.
[ 95% chance he forgets to swap to war, 45% chance he forgets to even equip whatever job stone he's got handy, 100% chance he thinks he'll win anyway. this bunny is about to get bodied. ]
ohaithere
And your pants if you should require them.
cannot BELIEVE that you find this wabbit tolerable when half your threads with him are drunk ones
second [ ... ] i think one of them's about 84 floors deep in the palace...
my man have you SEEN the scions. this is par the course
And buy new ones.
which one do you think is actually the most fucked up i bet it's urianger
my friend, you are about to get dominated by a man in his wedding whites. wherever you are, i will find you. [ this is literally the worst text message viktor has ever sent or ever will send. congratulations. ]
that's SO MANY tomestones.
[ ... ]
you'll still farm tomestones with me after this, right?
naked nutkin man is right there
nobody's a bigger freak than an astrology bitch in her slut era tho (stares at that shb outfit)
so what if i decide i want to wear a skirt???????
don't kinkshame a metrosexual
How short.
ok but what about hancock
as i WANT???
don't. half the fandom is still reeling from how pretty he turned out
How much will it cover.
would that any one of us could be half as babygirl
[ failing at least three insight checks in a row ]
[ three straight minutes of TYPING... ]
fine.
i'll wear pants.
:(
yoship was so wrong for that
Is it important. [this is his neurodivergent ass asking viktor's neurodivergent ass if it's okay]
you can't just give a blonde man eyebags
uggghhhh. no. of course it isn't. it's just clothes.
and i'm making a fool of myself.
your headlock will have to wait 'til i've gotten new shoes.
i'm going to go home and drink some water.
reckless and unethical.
I'll be waiting.
no subject
how in the hells do you manage to spin words that make me feel better and worse at the same time?
did a witch curse you as a child?
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Maybe the Elementals took their due after all.
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