[ from here ]
[it's a long time coming back, this response. that he offers it at all is, perhaps, something of an olive branch in itself.]
When the needs of the Scions first saw us work together, you were as a stranger to me. As likely to let a knife find itself in my back as you were to put it there yourself. Whether that was true or not, [to forestall the inevitable denial] I had no way of knowing. To me, you were a threat. The insults were but a way of measuring your character. That they have persisted after the fact is because there was no need to change.
And because I'm a bastard. [admittedly. he knows what kind of person he is.]
So what I want is of secondary importance because I've no intent of showing vulnerability to you, only to be mocked. [still sour grapes over the kitten comments yes, why do you ask.]
[it's a long time coming back, this response. that he offers it at all is, perhaps, something of an olive branch in itself.]
When the needs of the Scions first saw us work together, you were as a stranger to me. As likely to let a knife find itself in my back as you were to put it there yourself. Whether that was true or not, [to forestall the inevitable denial] I had no way of knowing. To me, you were a threat. The insults were but a way of measuring your character. That they have persisted after the fact is because there was no need to change.
And because I'm a bastard. [admittedly. he knows what kind of person he is.]
So what I want is of secondary importance because I've no intent of showing vulnerability to you, only to be mocked. [still sour grapes over the kitten comments yes, why do you ask.]
[ She doesn't waste her time denying it, as clearly Ze’s trust issues run quite deep and she can’t say she blames him for being wary of new people anyway. Gods know she’s been much the same throughout her life, especially when she was a child, newly fled from Ishgard and suddenly even more alone than she’d ever been. Perhaps the only difference between them is that she doesn’t immediately regard someone as guilty until proven innocent, but rather she holds them at arm’s length until she believes they’ve proven they can be well trusted. Possibly Ze has the most trouble ever reaching that point where he believes others can be trusted. ]
I was not mocking you. I had hoped you would be reminded of that moment between us and admit… something besides contempt for me.
You cannot show cruelty and hostility towards people and expect them to not be on their guard around you. That is no way to measure the character of an individual. All you do is push them away, or ensure they will never allow you closer. I imagine you know enough of the world to know that you are far from the only person to suffer betrayals and hurt.
If you think I would have allowed you anywhere near me even while drunk if I did not trust you or was not attracted to you to some degree, ‘tis clear you think even less of me and my strength of character than I thought.
I was not mocking you. I had hoped you would be reminded of that moment between us and admit… something besides contempt for me.
You cannot show cruelty and hostility towards people and expect them to not be on their guard around you. That is no way to measure the character of an individual. All you do is push them away, or ensure they will never allow you closer. I imagine you know enough of the world to know that you are far from the only person to suffer betrayals and hurt.
If you think I would have allowed you anywhere near me even while drunk if I did not trust you or was not attracted to you to some degree, ‘tis clear you think even less of me and my strength of character than I thought.
[there's an uncomfortable measure of self-reflection required to face her statements, though they come as no surprise. he knows well he is not the only one to suffer betrayal, but to his mind it is of no consequence because this is how he's come to terms with it; a wall of thorns to deter any who would think him an easy mark- of which there is no shortage. of which there continues to be no shortage.
but it does beg the question- what of the future? is he truly prepared to carry this on way forever? living simply for the moment, fearing of looking ahead simply because he knows it might all end tomorrow? is not such an outlook... tenuous?
but to change one's mindset is easier said than done.]
It is no less than I would have thought of my own mother or sisters. [and he admits it- not that he was viewing her with contempt or thought her loose. only that a night of shared passion might amount to nothing more than a passing flight of fancy, much as it might have in his family.] If you want something more of me, ask. [again, that cowardly of his.
but...]
Or, if I am permitted to hope, give me such an inclination.
but it does beg the question- what of the future? is he truly prepared to carry this on way forever? living simply for the moment, fearing of looking ahead simply because he knows it might all end tomorrow? is not such an outlook... tenuous?
but to change one's mindset is easier said than done.]
It is no less than I would have thought of my own mother or sisters. [and he admits it- not that he was viewing her with contempt or thought her loose. only that a night of shared passion might amount to nothing more than a passing flight of fancy, much as it might have in his family.] If you want something more of me, ask. [again, that cowardly of his.
but...]
Or, if I am permitted to hope, give me such an inclination.
[ She really doesn’t like this. Forcing her to be the one to open up to him when he’s been the most difficult person ever to get along with isn’t fair. Were it anyone else, she probably wouldn’t bother.
Sarangerel understands very little about Miqo’te culture and tribal pecking orders. She does know that most Keeper men tend to be wanderers though and are never really given a place among the tribes once they’re adults. It’s similar to how she grew up, being a part of her adoptive father’s household yet still very much apart, so when he mentions them, she can empathize enough to give in to his demands. ]
I am not your mother or your sisters.
I do not want to do this anymore. No more petty fighting. I want to at least be friends with you. I want to know you— truly, not only the “bastard” side of you.
Sarangerel understands very little about Miqo’te culture and tribal pecking orders. She does know that most Keeper men tend to be wanderers though and are never really given a place among the tribes once they’re adults. It’s similar to how she grew up, being a part of her adoptive father’s household yet still very much apart, so when he mentions them, she can empathize enough to give in to his demands. ]
I am not your mother or your sisters.
I do not want to do this anymore. No more petty fighting. I want to at least be friends with you. I want to know you— truly, not only the “bastard” side of you.
You'd have struck me already if you were. [the statement is a little glib in light of the situation, more reflex than anything truly. while ze is well aware sarangerel is neither of those things, it is also true that is merely the expectation he's come to have of his flings, as few and far apart as they are. still, much as he can acknowledge that, even he has better sense than to make mention of it in his defense. it would hardly help and he has a feeling she would not care for the comparison.]
But I hear you, and will make an attempt. Though you may find only a bastard in the end.
But I hear you, and will make an attempt. Though you may find only a bastard in the end.
[he thinks otherwise but what little common sense he possesses warns him not to say as much. fwb]
If that is what you choose to believe, then so be it. My words were but a warning- to not see things in me that are not truly there.
For both of our sakes, really. You are more sensitive than you let on. [he doesn't mean that in a bad way, really.]
If that is what you choose to believe, then so be it. My words were but a warning- to not see things in me that are not truly there.
For both of our sakes, really. You are more sensitive than you let on. [he doesn't mean that in a bad way, really.]
Edited 2022-02-01 04:20 (UTC)
[ probably gonna be fwb because she is a slave to her emotions but shhhh, let her think she can deal with this not messily Sarangerel is well aware that she is a more sensitive person than she likes to project. She doesn’t need Ze to point it out to her, but it is hard not to snap back at him defensively when he does. She is still wary of trusting him so much with those soft feelings of hers, after all, considering he’s barely shown her anything. ]
And why do you think that is? Why do you think I do not let on about that?
And why do you think that is? Why do you think I do not let on about that?
I can barely fathom why you've let on about it to begin with, much less why you might not at all.
[and a rough 1:30 later, just enough time for her to perhaps contemplate throttling his neck-]
Ah, it's because I'm an ass. Noted.
[and a rough 1:30 later, just enough time for her to perhaps contemplate throttling his neck-]
Ah, it's because I'm an ass. Noted.
Edited 2022-02-11 00:05 (UTC)
[ from here ]
It's naught you wouldn't expect and talking isn't my preference.
[but in a second text:] You helped. Truth be told, I'd rather have taken my time but the twins' timing is as calamitous as ever.
[ooc: no worries, tag what you want and feel free to drop or come back as you need. o7]
It's naught you wouldn't expect and talking isn't my preference.
[but in a second text:] You helped. Truth be told, I'd rather have taken my time but the twins' timing is as calamitous as ever.
[ooc: no worries, tag what you want and feel free to drop or come back as you need. o7]
Well, then we do not have to talk. You can take your time now, if you want to.
[ And then, because he’s deigned to put his guard down and admit something personal, she feels she should probably return the show of trust with one of her own. It makes her ridiculously happy to know what he’s told her; she wants to similarly make him happy. ]
I care little what we do. I only wish to see you for a while.
[ It’s as close as she’ll get right now to admitting she misses him. ]
[ And then, because he’s deigned to put his guard down and admit something personal, she feels she should probably return the show of trust with one of her own. It makes her ridiculously happy to know what he’s told her; she wants to similarly make him happy. ]
I care little what we do. I only wish to see you for a while.
[ It’s as close as she’ll get right now to admitting she misses him. ]
[he reads well between the lines, having given others cause to do so himself, so it takes him but a moment to fully comprehend what has been offered. a little baffling given their history, truthfully, but... oddly warming, nonetheless.]
Within the bell. [is all he sends in response after a lengthy moment of consideration. in the back of his mind is the soft warning of another weakness being constructed by his own folly... but like a fool he cannot find it within himself to care.]
[ooc: and then the mental image of him doing an escort fate only to pick that mf'er up and sprint]
Within the bell. [is all he sends in response after a lengthy moment of consideration. in the back of his mind is the soft warning of another weakness being constructed by his own folly... but like a fool he cannot find it within himself to care.]
[ooc: and then the mental image of him doing an escort fate only to pick that mf'er up and sprint]
You've more strength than I in that regard then. Or more folly, though I suppose one cannot walk the path we do without having some form of appetite for pain. [somewhere in that insult is an undertone of admiration.]
[ He's not wrong though. She is a bit of a glutton for pain, more empathetic and compassionate than she likes to let on most of the time. She hides her emotions behind a wall of ice until she gets attached and she’s, unfortunately for him, gotten attached to Ze. ]
There is no shortage of it in our lives, true. I suppose I’ve resolved to accept that.
There is no shortage of it in our lives, true. I suppose I’ve resolved to accept that.
[in a way he still thinks that's idiotic, but then again he doesn't really have the right to criticize her either. doesn't he, in his own way, also seek out pain because of the joy that comes with?]
Why? It is one thing to be resolved against the possibility and another to walk forward despite. Having been hurt and knowing you can only be hurt again, what reason do you have to push on regardless? [a personal question. he can accept that she does so but finds himself (surprisingly) curious.]
Why? It is one thing to be resolved against the possibility and another to walk forward despite. Having been hurt and knowing you can only be hurt again, what reason do you have to push on regardless? [a personal question. he can accept that she does so but finds himself (surprisingly) curious.]
Because if there is a point in living without others, I cannot see it. Closing myself off from pain seemed wisest at first, but eventually I realized that I also prevent myself from joy and love. There is no way to measure the good in life without the bad as a counter reference. I simply endeavor to find the good worth the trouble.
[ She’s actually surprised when he agrees to visit and immediately she begins wondering if this means he definitely understood her feelings loud and clear. It would seem so… and apparently they’re accepted? Truly?
Great. Now she’s nervous for some reason. While Ze contends with finishing up the work he’s taken on, Sarangerel contends with making sure her little cottage in the Lavender Beds is tidy and that she herself is presentable. She probably worries a bit too much about her own appearance, because she changes her outfit about four times before she decides her blush-colored nightgown and her thick night robe is enough. She does, after all, plan to make Ze relax and rest. She even prepares a small meal for him. ]
Great. Now she’s nervous for some reason. While Ze contends with finishing up the work he’s taken on, Sarangerel contends with making sure her little cottage in the Lavender Beds is tidy and that she herself is presentable. She probably worries a bit too much about her own appearance, because she changes her outfit about four times before she decides her blush-colored nightgown and her thick night robe is enough. She does, after all, plan to make Ze relax and rest. She even prepares a small meal for him. ]
[He's true to his word, showing up before the clock can count in another hour. But whereas Saran has made efforts to look for the better, he has clearly just come in off the road- layered in sweat, coat dusted with grit from the road and a splash of something just dark enough to be suspicious on the greave of his boot.
It's there, on the steps to her home that he hesitates, wondering if he ought to have made an effort to neaten his appearance before arriving. If he ought to have brought something...
But in the end he chooses stubbornness. She had to have known he'd be finishing up one task or another- no rest for the likes of them and such. It's how he reasons away the nerves, knocking on her door and settling for propping his free hand on his hip to avoid the temptation to fold his arms and appear even more a foul-tempered lowlife.
His regrets are mounting.]
It's there, on the steps to her home that he hesitates, wondering if he ought to have made an effort to neaten his appearance before arriving. If he ought to have brought something...
But in the end he chooses stubbornness. She had to have known he'd be finishing up one task or another- no rest for the likes of them and such. It's how he reasons away the nerves, knocking on her door and settling for propping his free hand on his hip to avoid the temptation to fold his arms and appear even more a foul-tempered lowlife.
His regrets are mounting.]
[it's not a decision he can empathize with... or perhaps it is one he won't allow himself to acknowledge. if he walks, it is because there is no other recourse but forward.
but would he say he is grateful for those experiences both kind and harsh? could he truly look back upon his journey and say it was not worthwhile? it is not a question he has asked himself, for to contemplate what cannot be changed seems a foolish endeavor. it has been his life, no other's, and he cannot find it in himself to indulge in the folly of wishing it otherwise because there is no point.
but here, in the face of sarangerel's optimism, it makes him think on it a touch.]
I know you well enough to know you've endured much. To claim it to have all been worthwhile despite is [be nice, ze.] something I cannot pretend to understand. While it is true that the trials have made the softer moments all the more meaningful, I don't know that I could agree that made them justified. [the losses, both friend and foe, weigh heavy.]
but would he say he is grateful for those experiences both kind and harsh? could he truly look back upon his journey and say it was not worthwhile? it is not a question he has asked himself, for to contemplate what cannot be changed seems a foolish endeavor. it has been his life, no other's, and he cannot find it in himself to indulge in the folly of wishing it otherwise because there is no point.
but here, in the face of sarangerel's optimism, it makes him think on it a touch.]
I know you well enough to know you've endured much. To claim it to have all been worthwhile despite is [be nice, ze.] something I cannot pretend to understand. While it is true that the trials have made the softer moments all the more meaningful, I don't know that I could agree that made them justified. [the losses, both friend and foe, weigh heavy.]
Edited 2022-02-28 07:17 (UTC)
[ from here ]
[please. no more floods.]
Were you to submit yourself to the inevitable clash, I might be able to break it further. For one who wishes to die, you're certainly dedicated to the time-consuming [and annoying af] chase.
[please. no more floods.]
Were you to submit yourself to the inevitable clash, I might be able to break it further. For one who wishes to die, you're certainly dedicated to the time-consuming [and annoying af] chase.
are u saying u don't want to write brian's name brian over and over again
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trollophoroi
2022-03-03 02:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ the final elemental flood to reunite the shards: sarcastic quips! ]
What is this? A desire to meet me on the battlefield, face-to-face, one-on-one? Ah, such an enticing idea, but how could I ever dare such a feat? T'would break my dear lord's heart were I to wipe your very existence from the face of the star!
[ sorry bro, he's fine staying just a few steps out of reach at all times. ]
What is this? A desire to meet me on the battlefield, face-to-face, one-on-one? Ah, such an enticing idea, but how could I ever dare such a feat? T'would break my dear lord's heart were I to wipe your very existence from the face of the star!
[ sorry bro, he's fine staying just a few steps out of reach at all times. ]
[who knew sarcasm was the strongest dynamis]
I have been party to the death of every Ascian I have ever encountered, without exception. I have also proven to be possessed of a singular talent of turning every one of your kinds' schemes upon their heads. So the only reason to not kill me now is because you yet have need of me. [and plot armor. shh.]
What that is, I've no notion, but I am under no delusion as to the outcome of our encounters. It is not a question of "if", Fandaniel, but "when."
I have been party to the death of every Ascian I have ever encountered, without exception. I have also proven to be possessed of a singular talent of turning every one of your kinds' schemes upon their heads. So the only reason to not kill me now is because you yet have need of me. [and plot armor. shh.]
What that is, I've no notion, but I am under no delusion as to the outcome of our encounters. It is not a question of "if", Fandaniel, but "when."
[ from here ]
[It’s a moment in coming back, Vassa’s plea a muted thing in his ears as the drum of his blood drowns out near all else. There is a voice in him that wants to persist- knowledge of ages past echoing through his veins and clamoring for something more- greater. A desire to press, to pull Vassa within his domain. To make him fall in line
It breaks when he opens his eyes, that whisper falling silent as Ze returns to the reality of the moment, suppressed but not forgotten. Gaze flicking down to the hand wrapped around his own, he draws his fingers back after a moment and stares at his palm- smeared at some point in a graze of blood.
He recognizes well the urge, remembering briefly the blinding light that shone in the Western Highlands. Gods, but it seems an age ago…
The problem then, Ze thinks as he raises his eyes to look up at Vassa, is that which spurned such an urge. While he can’t claim to understand much of it, he recalls well Papashan’s words; that when two souls are in contest and a victor cannot be discerned, one must claim dominance… but as insane as that might have sounded, he was certain that was unique to those bound to an oath. To paladins, of which he is almost positive Vassa is not.
So why…?
Ah, but looking up at Vassa as his gaze refocuses, Ze can tell this is neither the time or place. Something to ponder, alongside the revelation that he was never an oathbreaker, later.]
You’d have done well to let me continue. [Is all he says after a moment, burying that uneasiness with habitual calm, moving to his feet after a moment. Deliberately- insistently- he headbutts Vassa gently on the way up, but in a kinder way that is more akin to affection among their kind, though that may only sting more.] Don’t complain to me later if the job is a shoddy one.
[But as if to give Vassa the relief he desires, Ze pulls away and goes towards the sack he discarded earlier, wiping his bloodied hand clean(?) against the side of his coat before he undoes the tie and pulls the mouth open.]
Heads up. [And, as if in direct opposition to the knowledge of Vassa’s injuries, Ze pulls out an apple, and chucks it in the other’s direction, waiting to hear if it’s caught or it thuds into the wall behind him.]
[It’s a moment in coming back, Vassa’s plea a muted thing in his ears as the drum of his blood drowns out near all else. There is a voice in him that wants to persist- knowledge of ages past echoing through his veins and clamoring for something more- greater. A desire to press, to pull Vassa within his domain. To make him fall in line
It breaks when he opens his eyes, that whisper falling silent as Ze returns to the reality of the moment, suppressed but not forgotten. Gaze flicking down to the hand wrapped around his own, he draws his fingers back after a moment and stares at his palm- smeared at some point in a graze of blood.
He recognizes well the urge, remembering briefly the blinding light that shone in the Western Highlands. Gods, but it seems an age ago…
The problem then, Ze thinks as he raises his eyes to look up at Vassa, is that which spurned such an urge. While he can’t claim to understand much of it, he recalls well Papashan’s words; that when two souls are in contest and a victor cannot be discerned, one must claim dominance… but as insane as that might have sounded, he was certain that was unique to those bound to an oath. To paladins, of which he is almost positive Vassa is not.
So why…?
Ah, but looking up at Vassa as his gaze refocuses, Ze can tell this is neither the time or place. Something to ponder, alongside the revelation that he was never an oathbreaker, later.]
You’d have done well to let me continue. [Is all he says after a moment, burying that uneasiness with habitual calm, moving to his feet after a moment. Deliberately- insistently- he headbutts Vassa gently on the way up, but in a kinder way that is more akin to affection among their kind, though that may only sting more.] Don’t complain to me later if the job is a shoddy one.
[But as if to give Vassa the relief he desires, Ze pulls away and goes towards the sack he discarded earlier, wiping his bloodied hand clean(?) against the side of his coat before he undoes the tie and pulls the mouth open.]
Heads up. [And, as if in direct opposition to the knowledge of Vassa’s injuries, Ze pulls out an apple, and chucks it in the other’s direction, waiting to hear if it’s caught or it thuds into the wall behind him.]
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